It’s my blog and I’ll cry if I want to.

Maybe it’s because it’s cloudy.

Maybe it’s because it’s cold.

Maybe it’s because I haven’t been able to afford to travel anywhere in 3 years.

Maybe it’s because of the publishing scandal du jour. Cockygate, the ebookbike thief, bookstuffing, book recycling, click farms, whatever Amazon is doing this week, whatever is exploding across my Facebook writing groups right now (you know something is.)

Maybe it’s because my last book sold 2 copies.

2 copies.

Total.

Wait, I think that’s it. The two copy thing.

For the past few…several months, I have been fighting a terrific writer’s block. I have started new projects, revisited old projects, and worked on rebranding existing books in the hopes that they would start to sell. I have lots of ideas. Stories I really want to tell. Characters who really deserve their Happily Ever After. But without a little encouragement, why?

Why?

I don’t think anyone owes me anything. I know that writing is a gamble, but you have to understand how painful it is when a story breaks about an author mosaic plagiarizing books and making lots of money while distracting readers from your books because she’s a better marketer than you are. Even if she had written crappy books and been a better marketer so she sold more, I would have felt better about it. (Still bad, but less bad since it was her own work. Besides, that happens all the time. Everybody is a better marketer than I am.) But no, this author stole other people’s work and hoodwinked hundreds of readers out of their cash, while people tell me they don’t buy books because they’re too expensive, but her stolen books cost more than mine. My books are also well written, properly edited, nice covers (most of them, the football books were an experiment, a bad one) and get good reviews so the people who have read them generally love them.

Then the other day, a friend of mine, who I knew wasn’t doing great, but I still aspired to her level of okay, asked online for suggestions of part time jobs. She isn’t making enough money to meet her expenses anymore. She’s a savvy marketer. She has a couple of income streams. She’s a freaking bestseller. If she can’t make it, what in hell hope do I have?

Or should I just shutter the whole enterprise? Quit writing, at least for publication. Put my energy into teaching English online to kids in China or working for Head Start.

Maybe I’ll just take this blog entry down because all the marketing gurus say it’s not my brand to be discouraged.

Don’t let them see you sweat.

Or cry.

Not even when your most recent release sold 2 copies.

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